

Lesson I - cooking rice using the pasta method
Sex sells so I’m gonna try to make this as sexy as I can… But before I start that, a little introduction. People always ask me why I’m so Cranky. Besides taxes, the government and my kids, the thing that makes me REALLY Cranky is that I’ll be at the market telling a customer about all the delicious recipes on our website and they almost always say, oh, that’s too complicated for me. I will concede there is some more complex recipes on our website, I wouldn’t call any of them complicated. People (me included) will spend a little extra effort to impress someone they love, but it seems like they rarely do, and THAT makes me Cranky. I’m never going to be an Iron Chef or a BBQ Pitmaster. There are LOTS of blogs on those 2 subjects if that’s your jam. This blog is all about showing you that you can cook some really good everyday meals AND impress your beloved Wumpty at the same time, and get your love life trending upwards. Food and love just go together. Life is short. Be with the soul you love and make some great food memories. Also, no AI was used in the making of this blog. It would be a little silly of me to bitch about people not having the energy to make good food and then I use AI to write a blog…
We’re going to start off pretty easy, making rice with the pasta method. I was shocked that not a lot of people have heard of this, and truth be told, we only heard about it a couple years ago. It takes a tiny bit more effort than just 1 part rice, 2 parts water, boil till the water’s gone, but the taste and texture doing it this way is so worth it. I will do a sexy narrative and then a recap in plain English at the end. I will rate each lesson with Hubba Hubba points, from 1 to 5, one being a back rub or scented candles, five being get your hockey helmet on, you’re going for a ride!! They will get more complex as we go on. None of them are hard, but you might be...
He pulled open the kitchen drawer and running his fingers over the various objects, he selected the perfect scoop. He tore open the lid of the container with the dry rice as if it were a sweater and her ample bosom waited for him. He caressed the grains with the scoop before plunging it deep into the rice. Then he pulled out the scoop slowly and walked over to the empty pot, thrusting the rice deep into the pot. He knew he didn’t have to wash the rice. If he didn’t, it would be a little sticky. Sticky like that night they had spent in the Peruvian jungle, naked under the banana trees. The banana trees dripping their sweet sticky sap which dropped onto their naked bodies, the moonlight glistening on their sweaty, sticky bodies. But today he wanted it clean and smooth, so he went over to the sink and turned on the hot water. Within a few seconds warm water cascaded over the rice in the pot and he began to stir with his hands, slowly at first and then faster and faster until the rice released it’s starch in an ecstasy of swirling water. He drained it and rinsed the rice two more times until rice had no more starch to give and the water ran clear.
He put the pot on the stove to boil. It started to get hotter and hotter. Soon it bubbled over, splashing onto the cooktop, popping and sizzling. He knew that it wouldn’t take long to be cooked perfectly, so after about 4 minutes he checked the rice. He grabbed a fork and let a couple grains balance on the end of the tines. He lifted the fork and delicately put it up to his lips which parted and allowed the grains to slip inside. He bit down. The outside was soft and delicate, but the inside was still a little crunchy. He knew he had to let it boil another minute or so and he tested the grains again. This time it was perfection. He grabbed a strainer and thrust the boiling rice into it and the strainer welcomed it. He now had two choices he could put it back into the warm pot and lather it with butter and mix it thoroughly and serve, but today, he wanted it different… today, he rinsed the strainer with cold water to stop the cooking process. Then he grabbed the pan and put it on the big burner. The BIG burner. He turned it on and dripped oil into the pan. The oil got hot. He plunged the cooked rice into the pan and it immediately began to sizzle as if it was excited. It sizzled more and more and then he turned it with a spatula. Now began a new series of sizzles. More and more until the grains of rice were perfectly cooked and he served it with the Butter Chicken he just made and presented the plate to his date. Later, he got a backrub for his effort.
To recap: take some rice, rinse it or not (some types of rice are more starchy than others. If you don't rinse, it could be sticky - but maybe not as sticky Peruvian banana sap), overfill the pot (if you don’t, you may have to add water which will cool it down and you will have to wait for it to boil again, potentially overcooking it), boil, once JUST DONE, drain, serve. Pretty easy. You can put your fave Cranky Jimmy’s flavour in the water and the rice will soak it up, but Cranky Jimmy’s is more likely to go on whatever you are having the rice with. And you don’t have to use just water. You can use a variety of liquids; chicken stock, coconut milk, a dash of soy sauce in the water. We have put hot sauce in the water, and the rice was amazing but the steam made it impossible to breathe, be warned. I did not take pics of this one, because if you can’t picture how to cook rice like pasta, then I can’t help you.
This one is worth 1 Hubba Hubba.
These recipes can or do use rice in them or as a side dish.
Loaded Stuffed Chicken
Taco Zucchini Boat
Shake and Bake
Peri-peri Salmon
Sweet and Sour Things
Beef and Broccoli
Jalapeno Popper Stuffed Chicken
Honey Garlic Salmon
Chicken Cordon Bleu
Amazing Meatballs
Taco Stuffed Peppers
Butter Chicken
Orange Chicken
Won Ton
Honey Garlic Cajun Scallops
Guac Stuffed Chicken